For a long time, I struggled with truly believing the promises of God for my life. Before I understood that God wanted me to truly prosper (in all areas-mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially), I was quite used to having little or no money for anything. I even thought that for the longest time that it was God's will for me to be broke. It never registered to me that it was never God's intentions for me to have little to no money, all of the time. But, until I began to believe His promises for prosperity for my life, I never saw the "light at the end of the tunnel". But, when I began to believe what His word said, I did begin to see prosperity "peeking through the clouds, here and there". It was hard at first to believe that all I had to do was believe and receive His promises, and then they would eventually appear. But, that is exactly, all I had to do!
But, even as prosperity started to appear in my life (in all areas), it did not always appear after I simply believed it and received it. In fact, there were still many times when I was believing and receiving for months, before I saw anything. During these times, I would become so hopeless and defeated, until my attitude would become so negative. And in my negativity, I stalled my own winning season (prosperity)! So, I had to shift my focus back on exactly what God had promised me, and continue with that exact mindset, until that very thing came into fruition. But, even as I started mastering this concept (continuing to focus on the promises of God), the enemy came to attack me, once again. After he could no longer manipulate my emotions (causing me to have a negative attitude), he decided to attack me in physical ways, in addition to emotional ones. For example, the waiting period for the promises of God to be fulfilled, became much longer. In a previous blog, I mentioned that there was a time when I had an unexpected garnishment to come out of my paycheck every two weeks. I was still tithing and sowing at this time. So, I was sure that I was closer than ever to my breakthrough. However, when the garnishment occurred, I could see that I would no longer be able to tithe and sow, during the three months of garnishing. And I could so clearly hear the enemy tell me that I would no longer be able to tithe and sow during this time, because the money would not necessarily be there. But in my leaning and depending more on God, I still found a way to tithe and sow, in the midst of $500 being deducted from my paycheck monthly (for 3 months).
So, I was overjoyed with this result and I truly felt that God was hanging with me, (during this time), and enabling me to continue to pay my tithes and sow seeds as needed. But, it only lasted for a short while though. The enemy had another trick up his sleeves. Since he could not get me off track through my non-tithing, he tried to get me off track another way. What happened next was, I had been praying for a special project to finally take flight for about a year and a half. I just kept on believing and receiving that it eventually would. Well to say the least, I was heartbroken when someone else in my circle, was able to get the exact same project up and working for them, time it was released. I was so devastated because it felt unfair for theirs to take off, and my own project was still stalled, and was no closer to taking off, than it was a year and a half ago. I was also burdened by the fact that I could not continue to be hurt, if I wanted to rejoice in their victory. And I quickly found myself retreating in prayer with God. I wanted to know why? I wanted to understand why He would allow me to be hurt like this, when I am doing what He had called me to do? I also needed to know how I was suppose to celebrate in their victory, when it seemed that their time unfairly came before my own. I mean how could I rejoice, when I felt so defeated inside? But, again I felt God building my spirit back up. I felt His spirit fall on me. And as a result, I knew that I had to stay faithful to Him, regardless of what was shaping in front of me. I had to make the decision to celebrate this specific blessing for someone else-even when my own was no closer to coming to fruition. Once again, I saw myself walking on the path to victory in God.
But, once again, the enemy came after me emotionally,physically, financially, and spiritually! He saw that he had lost one more time, and decided to attack me again! I had been waiting on a check that was much needed at the time. This check each month rarely arrived late! But, for some reason, while I was in this very storm, that very same check, did not appear when I thought I really needed it. I mean I had so many things depending on that check to be on time! It was almost two weeks later, in fact! And I found myself drowning again! All I could think about was, why God? Why me? I am tithing and I am sowing seeds! I am being obedient to what You have told me to do! Why is the enemy still able to attack me like this, in this season? But, I had to realize that also during this season, regardless of what the enemy threw at me (and it's apparent that he threw a lot), God continued to keep me! Yes, during this time I was burdened, defeated, and hurt! But in my brokenness, I still saw the hand of God! No, it did not appear the way I wanted it to, but during that time of testing, He was with me the whole time! And as I reflected on His faithfulness, I also found myself, retreating from feelings of anger, hurt, discouragement, and defeat, and turning these negative feelings into positive emotions of expectation, absolute belief, and total trust. I found that I became more and more focused on God, and His promises. And in doing so, (as He continued to cover me), I began to realize that I was truly supposed to believe His promises NO MATTER WHAT! I was to stay faithful to Him in the hard times, and He stayed faithful to me , NO MATTER WHAT! So, I encourage anybody to simply keep on believing in the promises of God! No matter what life throws at you! No matter what the enemy throws your way! Keep believing in the promises of God! He won't fail! In the words of the old church saints, "He may not come when you want Him; but He is ALWAYS ON TIME!
https://youtu.be/xZ9d1WyiF-c
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