Over the years, I have truly figured out the absolute importance of letting God take part in the decisions that I make in life. Sadly, it took many failures on my part that led me down the road to poor decision-making, and devastating consequences. After, I reaped what were the results of making decisions without including Christ, I saw my life heading down a completely different path than what I had ever expected for myself. I had to look in the mirror to realize that instead of giving God power,in all of my decisions, I had inadvertently given such power to the enemy. In doing so, I reaped many negative effects of "doing things on my own". I will be specific in naming one of these mistakes mentioned. I found out I was pregnant in March 2010. Chastity was to be due in December 2010. Chastity actually came into this world on November 18, 2010. I guess she just couldn't wait any longer to get here! What was supposed to be a joyous occasion for many women, turned out to be a nightmare experience for me. You see, I thought that the guy that I was with during this time would commit to me, as I was going to be having his child. However, it turned out that he made it very clear, that I would be on this motherhood journey alone. Don't get me wrong-my daughter is in NO way a mistake. She has actually been a true blessing in my life in fact. So much so, that I often tell people who ask-"My daughter helped me find me, while I was still looking for me". But, it was a mistake to get involved with her dad. He was not at all the right one to me. But, I allowed myself to be deceived and manipulated into thinking that he was. It was an ordained trap that the enemy had already set up for me. During this time, there were numerous people even telling me not to get involved with him-as he simply was not right for me. But, I was so attracted to him though, and I became blinded by reality (trick from the enemy). I simply continued to see what I wanted to see. So, once I found out that I would be entering motherhood alone, I was devastated, disappointed, and even defeated (it seemed). To top it all off, the enemy continued to help me realize that I had placed my own self in that situation to begin with. So, during this time, the enemy not only blinded me from reality, he also guided me to failure, and then he made sure I reminded myself of it daily, further taking me down.
I considered many things during this time such as adoption. I even considered abortion to be honest. But, I had to realize that I grew up in church, and that I identified as a christian. So to consider abortion was simply WRONG. As for adoption, I realized that I would have gone through so much pain (labor) in having her, that I knew that I would not be able to just "give her up". I felt as though the simple truth was that I would be "stuck" with this beautiful thing growing inside of me more and more each day. As a result, I felt myself going down more and more, during this time. I never expected to be a single mother. I mean my parents had been married for almost 40 years (in 2010)! But, when I had gotten so far down, and pretty much to the end of myself, I finally reached out to God. I called on Him constantly-because I needed Him so much! I literally felt myself drifting more and more into depression and utter despair, constant sadness! I knew that I could never get out of it on my own! I had to ask myself-if I lost my mind during this process, then what would happen to my daughter? It was very clear that her dad was not interested in being her dad! And God came for me! He guided me, lifting me back up where He had intended for me to be to begin with. I slowly felt Him make over my mind, make over my spirit once again, letting me know that He still loved me, no matter where I had placed myself! From that moment, I decided that I would no longer give the enemy the same power that I had given him before. I would instead, give it all to God-allowing Him to make my decisions for me. Because I surrendered my will, yielding everything in me to Him, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! Each and every day, she lights up my life just a little bit more-constantly reminding me of what can happen, if we allowed our decision-making to be done with God, and not done on our own. I am so thankful for the opportunity I was given to be Chastity's mother. I love her with everything in me, and I am so thankful God saw fit to allow her to stay in my life, at such a difficult time. So, no matter what decision you may need to make today, before you attempt to make it on your own, please allow God to take part in it as well. It is one of the greatest decisions you can ever make.
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